The world stands in awe as Beth and David celebrate four months of consecutive dating. December 19 will be remembered by all as a day of rejoicing and serious partying. Larry Schumann, a close and personal friend was quoted as saying, "four?....are we talking golf strokes?". Larry himself was extremely surprised, yet very excited and somewhat enthusiastic about what some have labeled as a match made in heaven. In a statement received from two downtown Atlanta residents,¹ the relationship is viewed as being "long distance...because David lives in Alabama". David, however is passionately in love with Beth, and does not mind the commute to North Georgia. In a press release earlier today, David said that he doesn't actually live in Alabama, "it just seems far away because of all the curves in the road". David is just the kind of person to straighten a winding road, so our readers should expect to see some drastic changes in the months ahead.

Today, in a controversial move to "clean up" the English language, President Bush has signed a new law condemning use of the phrase "enjoyed it" in circumstances characterized by delight with a past condition.

Bush claims that he has no personal feeling in the matter, that he is only doing what any red blooded American would do. In fact President Bush claims that he likes simple country terms like "enjoyed it" and "hows your mama and them". During a visit to Valdosta Georgia, President Bush issued a statement to concerned citizens attempting to justify his actions, and "clear up" some of the confusion. The following is an excerpt from that speech.

...concerning our dignified vernacular I will irrefutably aspire to exemplify what is considered exemplary composition heretofore and so on and so forth etcetera etcetera....

Ms. Troutman announced today that her automobile savvy and keen business sense have directed her into the lucrative business of used cars. She also admits that already having two cars is partially to blame. Beth claims that starting the company with a fleet of two is only a minor setback. Who knows, used cars could be Beth’s success.